


Neptune's Failed Pick Up Lines

by Princess_Unattainable



Category: RWBY
Genre: Funny, Innuendo, Multi, Neptune sucks at flirting, Pick Up Lines, Swearing, not meant to be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 06:37:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9644690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_Unattainable/pseuds/Princess_Unattainable
Summary: In which Neptune flirts with everyone and is shot down every time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my RWBY fam

"Your eyes are an ocean, your breasts are also an ocean because I just wanna drown in them tiddies" Neptune said as he winked  
"Dude I don't even have boobs" Sun replied walking away.  
Neptune swears that from an angle Sun looked like Yang and it was a case of mistaken identity.

 

* * *

 

"Hey baby you seem bold and brash" Neptune smirked at Yang.  
"And you belong in the trash" Yang said cracking her knuckles before picking Neptune up and throwing him in a dumpster.

* * *

 

"Hey are there 20 letters in the alphabet?" Neptune asked Weiss as they were studying  
"What? No, there are 26." Weiss replied "aren't you supposed to be an intellectual?"  
"Ohhh right" Neptune said "I forgot U, R, A, Q, T"  
"That's only 5 letters" Weiss said blushing  
"Oh don't worry, you'll get the D later" Neptune said winking and leaning in closer to Weiss. Weiss gasped, took the book she was reading, and smacked Neptune with it. "Idiot" she mumbled as she exited the library blushing.

* * *

 

"On a scale from 1 to 10 I'm a nine and your the one I need" Neptune smiled as he moved in closer  
"Wait I'm a one?!" Jaune pulled away insulted. "Ya know what I'm done, experiment failed" Jaune said as he pulled up his pants and left Neptune's room.

* * *

 

"Hey girl are you Winter? Because you'll cumming soon" Neptune pointed his finger guns at Winter Schnee. That's how he ended up running frantically around beacon campus screaming as he was chased down by a highly unamused Winter.

* * *

 

"Are you a Jedi, because I swear my lightsaber just sprung to life" Neptune asked the older man next to him at the bar  
"What the fuck is a lightsaber?" Qrow asked drunkenly before he threw up on Neptune's pants.

* * *

 

"Dang girl that dress looks fantastic, but you know where it would look better? My floor" Neptune confidentially stated to a very confused Penny.  
"Thank you but I don't understand, do you think I would look better on the floor? Do people usually lie on the floor?"  
"Only when they wanna have fun" Neptune said "But most prefer a bed"  
"Ohhh are you referring to intercourse? Because my father didn't install me with the information to perform that act" Penny informed him  
"Wait what?" Neptune asked confused  
"I MEAN IM NOT A ROBOT!" Penny screamed before running off

* * *

 

"Hey girl are you an ocean? Because I want to get the fuck away from you" Neptune squeaked out scared  
"Wait, who are you?" Salem asked but never got an answer as Neptune ran away screaming.

* * *

 

"Are you a gun? Cause I wanna bang you" Neptune smiled as Roman Torchwick laughed in his face.  
"Kid, you couldn't handle my gun" Romam said before smacking Neptune in the face with his cane knocking him out.

* * *

 

"Your body is a wonderland and I wanna be Alice" Neptune said putting his hand on the wall behind Nora  
"And ya know what they say in wonderland?" Nora leaned in whispering "OFF WITH HIS HEAD" she screamed before pulling out magnhild as Neptune screamed.

* * *

 

"I lost my virginity, can I borrow yours" Neptune asked Ren  
"Sorry, but that has already been lost" Ren blushed as Nora walked by and smacked his butt.

* * *

 

"Hey-"  
"No" Blake stopped him without looking up from her book  
"Ok" Neptune said before walking away

* * *

 

"Hey girl are you an all star? Because I'd smash your mouth" Neptune said to the red head  
"Um" Pyrrha tried to reply before Jaune swooped in, took her hand, and said "nope" leading her away

* * *

 

"Your tits remind me of Mount Rushmore, my face should be among them" Neptune smiled confidently  
"First of all, what is Mount Rushmore? Second of all if you don't back off I'll break your nuts" Raven replied  
"Noted" Neptune said and walked away

* * *

 

"I'm like a fire fighter I find em hot and leave em wet" Neptune winked  
"Mr. Vasilias, when you are being brought into my office due to your excessive flirting, attempting to hit on me is not the appropriate response" Ozpin told him rubbing his temples in frustration.

* * *

 

"Baby you're like my laundry because I wanna do you once a week" Neptune said to Neon Katt.  
"Hmm I think my team mate might have a problem with that" she giggled. Suddenly Flynt Coal appeared next to her, took out his trumpet and literally blew Neptune away.

* * *

 

"Roses are red, violets are fine, you be the six and I'll be the nine" Neptune said to Ruby who stared at him blankly  
"What? I don't get it why would we be numbers?" She asked innocently. Before he could respond Yang showed up behind Neptune cracking her knuckles. He ran.

* * *

 

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I wanna stick my dick in you"  
The grave of Summer Rose did not respond.

* * *

 

"Hey nice legs, when do they open?" Neptune asked Mercury  
"Sorry, these" he said gesturing to his legs " are not for you" he said before walking off. 

* * *

 

"Hey girl can I slither in to your chamber of secrets?" Neptune asked Coco  
"Weak" Coco muttered before kicking him in the nuts. 

* * *

 

"I need a map because I'm getting lost in your red eyes"  
"Really?" Emerald said getting closer to him "you know we could imitate the color if you're so enraptured by it." She leaned in close before whispering "I'll make you bleeeeeed"  
Once again, Neptune ran.

* * *

 

"Ya know I've always had a thing for licking chocolate bunnies" Neptune whispered to Velvet  
"Sorry but only Coco gets to taste this" Velvet replied not even looking at him.

* * *

 

"Is that a bat in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" Neptune gestured to Junior's pants. Junior whipped out his bat and hit Neptune in the face with it knocking him out. "It's a bat" he told the unconscious boy at his feet and walked off.

* * *

 

"Girl you've put a spell on me and now I'm yours" Neptune told Glinda. He was immediately thrown into a wall.

* * *

 

"I'm burning up for you baby" Neptune said pointing a finger at Cinder.  
"Nope you're just burning" Cinder said before setting him on fire.

* * *

 

"I wanna try doggie style with you" Neptune told Zwei as he rubbed his tummy. Zwei immediately flipped over, peed on Neptune's shoes and walked off. 

* * *

 

"I wanna call you daddy" Neptune said to Taiyang who looked shocked for a second before slamming the door in his face.

* * *

 

"Are you a pig? Because I want to pork you" Neptune told professor Port who was completely shocked at the boy's words.  
"Get out of my classroom right now!" Port shouted as he shoved Neptune out the door.

* * *

"Now are there any questions?" Professor Oobleck asked after a long lecture. Neptune's hand shot up.

"Are you a Beringel professor? Because I want you to go gorilla on my ass" Neptune smirked cockily  
Professor Oobleck and the rest of the class just started at him for a moment before Oobleck hung his head and sighed  
"Young man you need some serious help if you think this is acceptable behavior in a classroom"

* * *

 

"Hey girl I know you're quiet but I've got something to put in your mouth" Neptune gestured to his junk.  
Neo unsheathed her dagger and stabbed Neptune in the chest. She then waited for a strong wind, opened her parasol and sailed away.

* * *

 

"Hey babe are you a bull in a china shop because I like it rough and crazy" Neptune told Adam  
"Human Scum" Adam said before he unsheathed wilt and blush.  
Neptune narrowly escaped.

* * *

 

"You guys can think of me as your personal catnip" Neptune said to Blake's parents. The door was once again slammed in his face.

* * *

 

"You can serve me anyway you please" Neptune leaned over the counter and winked at the shop keeper.  
"Please get out of my store, we don't serve your kind here." The shop keeper told him.

* * *

 

Neptune looks at Whitley. Whitley looks at Neptune. They awkwardly stare for a moment. "What?" Whitely asked him annoyed.  
"Even I don't wanna fuck you" Neptune said before walking away. Whitley never gets laid. 

* * *

 

"Hey are you a fire alarm? Because you're loud, annoying, and no one likes you" Neptune says to Jaques Schnee then slams Schnee's office door and leaves.  
"Whitley, who was that?" Jaques asked his son who was crying  
"I don't know" Whitley said between sobs.

* * *

 

"With your multiple personalities we could have an orgy" Neptune told Cline. Cline smacked Neptune with the metal tray he was holding.

* * *

 

"Hey boy, you've already got one man in your body how about two."  
Neptune winked at Oscar  
"Uhhh" Oscar said before looking concentrated as he listened to Ozpin talk in his head "The voice in my head told me tell you to fuck off."

* * *

 

"I heard you have a nine iron, I'm pretty could at golf so I could handle your stick if you can get your balls in my hole"  
Neptune told general Ironwood as he saluted him. Ironwood held him out the window of the airship until he apologized and promised to keep quiet.

* * *

 

"Girl I wanna see all your colors" Neptune smirked at Ilia. She electrocuted him.

* * *

"Hey Perry, I'll thrust into you" Neptune told the white fang member  
"How do you even know my name you weirdo?" Perry asked Neptune before judo flipping him


End file.
